Everyone becomes a love expert in the month of February but don’t worry I’m not trying to do that. Nor do I claim to have all the answers but I would like to talk about a few things.

This time of year people talk a lot about what they think love is. So much so they tend to forget what love isn’t.

It’s easy to romanticize unhealthy behavior because it’s Valentines day, your birthday, or you just don’t want to be alone. Could it be that we love the idea of love more than truly experiencing it?

Love is a sneaky thing. Whether it be in friendship or a relationship, you spend a lot of time with someone and one day it hits you, I really care about this person. You feel safe. You smile when you see them and laugh when you think of the crazy experiences you’ve had together. It isn’t complicated. It changes you, especially in the ways you don’t expect.

I’m a homebody to my core. One of my most hated tasks of being an adult is going to the grocery store. I might as well be part of seal team 6 when I go into Costco. As I shop, I walk around the perimeter of the building entering aisles from the outside to minimize my interactions with people with free samples and other customers. I make it my mission to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. If it’s the weekend, you can forget about it! There’s way too many people!

When I first started dating my husband he was a long haul truck driver. He was only home 1 day a week. It was hard but we made it work until he was able to get a job closer to home. In that period of our relationship and arguably even now one of the things I am most excited to do with him is go to the grocery store. He took an activity I hated and made it something I look forward to. His love made me feel safe. I knew if I ran into someone in the store I wouldn’t have to hold the conversation by myself. He can help make decisions.

People who go to the grocery store with you are consistent. They don’t have to be impressed or require you to spend money to be with them. They are just there to spend time with you or make an annoying task a little better just by being there.

Love should be that way. It shouldn’t be forced to fill your loneliness. In fact, the best thing you can do to love someone is to love yourself. Make yourself whole before trying to involve yourself with someone. It’s easy to self sabotage friendships or relationships when you’re speaking from your hurt, not a clean slate.

Love is consistent. I don’t always have time to talk with those closest to me on the phone because of my schedule or theirs. That doesn’t change how we feel about each other. Without saying a word, I know my circle cares about me because they show up. When life is heavy, they help carry the load.

Love is many things but isn’t harmful to you. It builds you up. It creates a better version of you. It heals. Anything else is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.